Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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