What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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