I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
