so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
