yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
