Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
