I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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