Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
