Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
