the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
3pm strippers are depressing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
