Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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