Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
