Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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