We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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