If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
