I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
