Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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