we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize