That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
