Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize