Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How naked do you want me to be?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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