I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
