I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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