This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
