i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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