I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
