I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
