that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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