Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
