i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
