He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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