I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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