U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize