we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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