Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize