you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
