I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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