God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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