I should be sponsored by Trojan
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
