you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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