I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
