i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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