So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize