a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
