No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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