I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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