He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize