it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
