: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
