Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
