Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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