You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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