How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
