my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
