I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
