I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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