I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
