so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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