I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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