I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i've created a new STD.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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