That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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