I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
