did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
