I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
