i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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