I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
