Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
